I woke up two mornings ago thinking, "ugh, four more shows in this soupy heat, how will I make it?" Last night, as we performed our show for the final time this semester, I mentally ticked off each number, "that's the last time we'll do that one, and that one... and THAT one."
Today feels like a normal day in Up with People, but it's not. It's our last, the final, el fin. We have a banquet this afternoon, a time to get dressed up, party a bit, cry a lot (I imagine) and enjoy each other's company before climbing on our three buses for the long ride back to Bangkok and then the flight to California.
Right now, I don't feel it. I can't fathom returning to my "normal" life, where the world has turned on, without me, where my friends and family have so many stories to tell, so many memories that I do not share in. I fear not being able to connect, I fear crying at random moments, feeling angry, confused, lonely, and having no one understand why. Because I have a new family, here in Up with People. A family with members I may never see again, who knows. A family that means the world to me, and I want to hang on forever, but I know I can't. I know it's time to move on.
It's been an amazing ride, and AMAZING journey across continents, through emotions, growing, performing, learning... I'm ready to start the next adventure of my life, but I imagine I may have random moments of withdrawal over the next few weeks. For those of you who will see me soon, please know that if I start randomly crying or acting strangely, most likely it's nothing to do with you, and everything to do with me re-acclimating to my "home" life again.
Thank you all for all the support you've lent, the e-mails, phone calls, facebook messages... I apologize if I missed something important, if you needed me when I couldn't be there, if you felt I left you for good in some way. I love you all and can't wait to see everyone again.
Peace and love,
Marina
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